It’s been a while since God put in my heart this necessity to talk about singleness and what I’ve learned from it!
” but we[c] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5
I’ve always considered myself an emotional independent person. To be honest, I almost boast about it.
I never like this idea of being one of those “needy” people, who need someone to feel complete. I always saw myself more independent. However, independence has a good and a bad side.
But I not going to lie, since I gave my life to Jesus, I think about marriage. First because, since I am a Christian, this is the right way to have someone to share my life with. I can’t live in a way that I used to live in the past, just “having fun”, here and there.
Second, I know that despite of being a person who enjoy solitude and have learned how to enjoy her own company in a lot of ways, I still want someone to share my dreams and goals with, someone who has the same purpose as me: Live a life that honors God and reflects His will!
I have seen a lot of broken relationships, outside and inside the church, but since I am writing it through a godly perspective, let’s talk about the second group: Believers.
What God is showing me through all my journey is a real problem that is affecting the church:
People are turning marriage into an idol, thinking that all their emotional problens and needs will be fixed through it. And there are another group of people who just want to get marriage to have sex, never thinking about the others issues that involves this commitment!
One of the reasons for a broken relationship is: People get marriage to be happy!
Let me tell you something, that I heard from the mouth of my own sister in law: “If you want to get married to be happy, don’t do it!”( I laughed when she said it, but it’s true!)
First because, your happiness can’t be dependable of another person! If you are putting a lot of expectations on a person, to fill all your needs and make you happy, you gonna be disappointed! People fail on us all the time!
There are a lot of people out there, and I have to confess that I already thought like this, that is thinking “I will be happy when…”. They never enjoy the present or are grateful for what they already have. Ungratefulness is something that makes us walk in circles and poisoned our hearts!
“Sacrifice thank offerings to God,
fulfill your vows to the Most High,
and call on me in the day of trouble;
I will deliver you, and you will honor me (…) Those who sacrifice thank offerings honor me,
and to the blameless[d] I will show my salvation.” Psalm 50: 14-15/23
Another reason for the failure of relationships: People believe that love is just a feeling! So when this feeling goes away, the relationship is ruined!
Love is way more than a feeling, love is a choice! But more than that, love is a person, Jesus! Only Him can teach you how to love and how to fight in the right way for a successful marriage! Choosing to love everyday, through every act and decision!
“ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
If you want someone to put all your expectations on, this person is Jesus! He is the One who never fails on us, never promise something He can’t accomplish. He is always good, always faithful!
Our identity and satisfaction must be founded in Him, otherwise, everything we seek to fill our void will be a waste of time!
The first thing we need to figure out, to be happy in a relationship or any other area, is who we really are! Seek the answers in God, and in Him only!
In Him I found a lot of things that needed to be healed inside of me, to be rebuild! Through this relationship, God unmasked a lot of lies in my life, things that I carried for a long time!
I found out that I was looking to myself through glasses that other people put on me, using mean words! I was carrying labels like: Rebel, ruthless, selfish, heartless…
I heard that from family members, friends, Christian leaders and so on. And for a long time I believed that I was this person: Someone incapable of being kind or to love!
However, Jesus has a completely different opinion about me! He says that I am brave, strong, kind, lovely! He says that I am his princess, that I have a tender heart. And finally, I believe in Him!
But I know that I still am in a healing process, that I need this relationship with Him more than any one!
No man on this earth could give me what Jesus gives me, everyday, when I am spending time with Him.
He is the only one who knows what is going on, even when I can’t speak a word, just shed my tears!
He is the One that with one word can change my perspective and heal my heart, who can bring light and hope to my cloudy day! No other person could do that for me, the way He does!
So, what I want to say with all this is: It is ok to dream with a person to share a journey and dreams with you! We all need that!
We were created to live in community, through healthy relationships!
However, we need to be whole in Christ first, to be able to make another person happier, instead of wait to someone to complete us and make us happy!
Singleness is a season to know yourself, to grow in intimacy with God. To invest time and effort to discover who you are and what you are called for, to discover your purpose! Enjoy your process.
In the future you will be glad for spent this time wisely or you will regret for wasted it. You choose.
Marriage it’s a lifetime covenant! It involves commitment, sacrifice, hard work, partnership!
It is not a pre-cooked meal you can put on the microwave and wait just a few minutes to be ready!( by the way, I hate this kind of meal, who eats that?! lol)
Don’t be deceit: There is no easy way to happiness, you need to build up this road in partnership! It need to come from the inside first, not from outside conditions.
God wants to give us way more than we asked for, but we need to be mature, we need to be ready to receive. Otherwise, a blessing could turn into a curse very fast!
Find your peace and purpose in Him and everything else will come as consequence!
“Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.
Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
5 For your Maker is your husband—
the Lord Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.” Isaiah 54: 4-5