I believe waiting is one of the most difficult processes for everyone,right? Why we are so bad at this task?
Since the beginning we got wrong trying to take control of our lives.
We are always trying to figure out where, when, how and why, this is the primordial obsession of humanity.
The possibility of not know what will happen drives us mad, because it takes us out of the control.
Personally, I always enjoyed being (or to think I am) in control of my life. I like planning, to know all the details before making a decision.
I really spend to much time thinking about all the steps. Let’s just face it, deliver plans and the control into someone else’s hands is a very difficult process.
It requires a lot of trust and patience, right? Speaking for myself, I have never had much of these gifts, I am impatient and suspicious by nature (by raised!).
I never liked to depend on other people for anything, but happily or unfortunately,I have been transformed from this mentality, because in real life we need to learn how to ask for and accept help, total independence is a trap.
Since I began my process of rediscovering my identity, I have been confronted with these issues of dependence, patience, and control.
God has created us for a relational life, with Him and with others, that involves a level of dependence (and patience!) that I am still trying to get used to.
For example, ever since I came back from my DTS (DISCIPLESHIP TRAINNING SCHOOL) I am living for the next step, what God wants from (or for) me.
The problem is that while I try to find out what He wants, I also have to deal with my own expectations. Deep inside, I hope He wants the same things that I do (surprise, surprise).
However, I know my heart is deceitful and only wants its own satisfaction!
I know that sometimes I resist my Father’s will , I “play the fool” to keep in my confort zone, but in other moments, I have no idea what is going on or what I should do!
This walk has been long and difficult, there are days when I feel so lost and lonely that all I can do to keep going is cling me up to His promises!
The Word tells us to bring to mind what brings us hope (Lamentations 3:21), and this has been my strategy, bring to light all that has been said about me, His promises and dreams for my life , that I know in time it will be fulfilled!
So, my advice for you is: keep going, look to the past only with faith , but if is not enough, you can always rend your heart and cry at His feet, It works for me! I always leave my secret place more comforted and radiant!
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.
13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
14 I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”